I know, I know I am so behind on blogs but it isn’t because I have completely neglected them. I have just been struggling a bit. I struggled because this blog is so hard to write. I thought about skipping it entirely. Race 2 from Puerto Sherry, Spain to Punta del Este, Uruguay was one of the most challenging times in my life! I journaled each day with the intent of turning those into blog entries. As I started to type them up, it was painful to see how much I wallowed in my misery. Then, I tried using my journal as a reference to just summarize my experience. I hated how it was coming together. Now that some time has passed and I have grown from and processed my experience, I decided it is probably just best to write from my heart. So without further ado…
My challenges included my standard seasickness buy in that I pay on each leg. Followed by extreme heat, dehydration, exhaustion, hunger, the challenges that come with a newly forced together team in a really confined space, and lack of personal hygiene. Here is an email I wrote home that summarizes things pretty well, “I wish I could say that I’m having the time of my life but I’m exhausted, hot, and hungry. It’s hard to sleep when I am soaking my tee shirt completely with sweat (100% not exaggerating. I can wring it out when I get up) and we keep making mistakes that have all hands on deck at all hours on top of the already painful sleep schedule. I was told to take care of myself but then this was followed by 3 wake up calls in the next few hours. I was out of bed, life vest on, and on deck before the shouting started when I felt us get overpowered one night with the boat skidding sideways pinned down to one side behind a runaway sail. We were able to safely get it down in less than 10 minutes if I had to guess but who knows because time is a funny thing when adrenaline levels are up. Off to bed for a 2 hour nap… I’ve officially become that person that sleeps on the mattress (no bedding) with this heat… If I had to guess it’s around 110 degrees and as humid as it can get below deck… our skipper expects some of the larger crew members to drop at least 15 pounds during this one 30 day crossing because of the hard work and heat. We have seen a lot of dolphins, flying fish, and cool sunsets and sunrises. Goodnight from a tired, cranky, sweaty, stinky, sticky, dirty, sunblock coated and oily haired girl crossing the Atlantic Ocean on a sweet sailing vessel.”
I really gave into my misery. I can’t tell you how many times I cried myself to sleep during this leg. I wallowed in it and was consumed by it. I focused on it. At one point, I decided I wasn’t getting back on the boat after we arrived in port. I am writing this blog after I just finished Race 4 so it is safe to say that I am sticking this journey out. What I have started to do is title each race with the biggest lesson that I learned. Race 2’s title is “Everyone should sail around the world because no matter how miserable you are, you will realize that you can always be more miserable.” 🙂
It is unexplainably hard living onboard and sailing. It is like being a hamster in one of those balls that you let it run around the house in but a small toddler picks up the ball and is constantly shaking it. Simple things are made hard, like peeing, brushing my teeth, eating, sitting, getting into and out of bed… When the toddler does get distracted and puts the hamster ball down, we are left in a wind hole bobbing about boiling to death. I hit some all time lows. I got cranky and short with people. I let people get under my skin in my weakened state. I struggled with so many aspects of life onboard. What I realize now, is this was a necessary trench that I needed to wallow in and dig myself out of. It helped me realize that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. There are so many aspects of my former life that I love and miss. I recognized that even in the miserable state I was currently in, it could be worse yet. If you are in the trenches of despair, don’t worry, it can always be deeper but it is up to you to dig yourself out.
It also is worth noting, I did have a couple great moments during this leg.
One night, I got the worst case of the giggles I have had in quite some time. Al and I were wooling a kite. We were working on the tack end between James, Vicki and Eoin’s bunks as they had just come off watch and were trying to sleep. The lights on the boat are either off, white, bright red, or dimmed red. When we are wooling kites at night, we typically flip them to bright red. Eoin asked if we could turn the lights off when we finished. As Al and I finished up that section of the sail, I went to tap the light and accidentally turned it on bright white in everyone’s eyes. Eoin said in the most unimpressed tone I have ever heard from him, “Thank you, Jaci.” I don’t know if it was my exhausted delirious state but it sent me into a full blown weezing, unable to breath giggle fit that kept everyone up for at least another 5 minutes as they kept asking if I was okay and laughing also…
The other experience that I will never forget is our equator crossing where I graduate from being a pollywog to a shellback. This was best summed up by Vicki’s (my teammate and friend) blog that she wrote for Clipper:
“Today we officially crossed the equator and the eighteen Pollywogs amongst us were transformed into Shellbacks
The practice of the line crossing ceremony was started at least 400 years ago as an initiation rite in the British Merchant Navy, to celebrate a sailor’s first crossing of the equator, and is now a common practice on many other vessels whether they are Naval, commercial, or pleasure craft.
The ceremony, overseen by King Neptune, is a way for sailors to be tested for their seaworthiness. It observes a mariner’s transformation from a slimy Pollywog (someone who has never crossed the equator on a ship before) to a trusty Shellback (also called a son or daughter of Neptune).
When a ship is soon to cross the Equator, King Neptune appears on board to pass judgment ahead of allowing entrance through his territory and to hear the charges brought against the Pollywogs who have not yet passed before him.
We received King Neptune on board Ha Long Bay, Viet Nam on the afternoon of Wednesday 27th while we were a little becalmed in the Doldrums and doing some minor maintenance work on the boat. He was accompanied by the existing Shellbacks, Peter Barry, Hans-Peter Bichelmeier, and I as members of his court. The court was standing behind the traveller with the Pollywogs all seated around the cockpit when King Neptune (our skipper, Josh, dressed up in some very fetching glittery mermaid scale leggings, a crown, and a trident) appeared through the nav station window to a cry of “Ello Pollywogs!” King Neptune went on to explain to the gathered Pollywogs what the ceremony was about, and how things would proceed.
First, they were to be set a challenge, each Pollywog had an After Eight placed on their forehead and had to try and get it into their mouths without using their hands, not an easy task under the baking sun because they started to melt very quickly. Once they had completed this challenge they had to address their crew mates and confess a sin they had committed on board, these ranged from forgetting to flip the mattress, trying to be too English (from our only French crew member on board), to wearing someone else’s life jacket and when they realized it wasn’t theirs putting it back somewhere unusual leaving the life jackets actual owner very confused. After confessing their sins, they were allowed to pass under the traveller and were addressed directly by King Neptune and the members of his court.
To begin they had to kneel before Neptune and a charge he had decreed was read out and they had to plead guilty or not guilty (spoiler: everyone was guilty). All but one Pollywog pleaded guilty, and they were sent back under the traveller with two After Eights on their forehead to be rechallenged until they were ready to plead guilty. After the guilty plea was entered, a token snip of hair was taken and offered to the sea, they were given a tot of alcohol-free rum, and King Neptune officially welcomed them into his court as a Son or Daughter of Neptune. They were then given a decorated headband made by Linda to show they were now members of Neptune’s court and could stand in judgment, and then help welcome the new members as they came through. I also made everyone a small monkey’s fist keyring with a small turtle charm as a memento of their first Equator Crossing.
THE CHARGES
Ella Hebron – Charged with stretching the wind-seeker
Patrick Moran – Charged with missing watch for being unwell, and then being sick in Neptunes’ ocean while still a Pollywog.
Oliver Hooton – Charged with failing to use a person’s name while giving orders
Ross Dunlop – Charged with being on his phone while others were working
Eric Froggatt – Charged with failing to be present or acknowledge his own anniversary by leaving a present or card at home for his wife
Helen Leighton – Charged with trying to undo the fore-guys during a crash gybe
Susan Gifford – Charged with failing to use her OUTSIDE VOICE on deck
Linda van Doorn – Charged with attempting to hide food from the master of the vessel
James Sedgwick – Charged with promising to make sourdough and failing to deliver
Eoin Mills – Charged with not realizing when others were enjoying the peace and quiet
Alan Lochhead – Charged with looking utterly miserable the whole time
Serge Bonnel – Charged with becoming too English and enjoying Earl Grey tea
Adrian Birrer – Charged with ‘lovingly’ jumping on the sails while packing them away
Jaci Smith – Charged with constantly forgetting how incredible she is, and for not making the appropriate owl noise when anyone uses Oliver Hooton’s full name
Olaf Kaden – Charged with using too much fuel in Race one, forcing the boat to beg fuel from Bekezela
Nickel Goeseke – Charged with making the worst bean chili the master of the vessel had ever tasted
Mark Geboes – Charged with begging cigarettes from the master of the vessel”
Two races later, what I realize is there were probably just as many opportunities to laugh and be joyful as there were to wallow in my misery. I am grateful for the moments I chose to laugh and be joyful and extend grace to myself for the moments I succumbed to my misery. I realize I have an incredible opportunity to grow and develop character during this life and this race and I plan to attempt to take full advantage of it.
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